ccons' Wedding (Officiant) Tips

Beginning at the age of six, I've been in many wedding parties. From ring bearer to best man to officiant, it seems I've always been something other than the bride (or groom). If you're going to be a member, planner, or attendee of an upcoming wedding, these are my top words of wisdom:

Something/everything/that which you least expect and most expect will go wrong. We attach much significance to this ritual. Plan and prepare as well as you can, but when the dog eats the cake or a ring (or most likely a pair of shoes) are forgotten or misplaced, laugh it off as one of those things that happens and move on. Make do with what you have and understand that everyone is there not for a perfect wedding, but to celebrate a joyous event with friends and family.
Cheese is unavoidable. I've attended weddings from the very elegant to the most unconventional and inevitably someone performs the chicken dance or the band is worse than the one at your junior high prom. Strong willed, independent-minded friends of mine, have included things in their wedding straight out of the worst 70s wedding movie you can imagine. These parts of the event reinforce the wedding's connection with the institution of marriage -- and with every wedding you'll attend.
To the lucky couple (or threesome or more -- even luckier): no matter how hard you might try, unless you elope, some (if not all) of the plans will cease to be within your control. Grandpa will insist on making you his infamous fruitcake to top your $5,000.00 gourmet delight. Your best man or maid of honor will not even show up if you do not allow them to bring your most hated ex as their date. Remember that your loved ones can place almost as most significance on this day as you. They want to be a part of it. Before you being planning, decide on a few simple things that you must include in your ceremony and at your reception -- and stick to those. On other points, be flexible and open minded. Share the love that you plan to express that day with your family and friends.

To date, the most significant, challenging, and rewarding role I've played in a wedding was that of officiant for two good college friends. If you've never officiated before, doing so for two close friends in front of an audience of people you've known for years can be daunting. I've compiled some advice that I hope will help.

Know that your friends extended this honor to you not for sadistic pleasure but because they love and respect you. If they did not have confidence in your ability to perform the ceremony to their satisfaction, they would not have asked. Trust in their faith in your abilities.

Behave as a professional. Sit down with your friends and interview them about their desires and expectations for the ceremony. What mood do they want it to engender: religious, spiritual, jovial, or simply imbibed. Are there any rituals that they want incorporated: the breaking of the glass, a personal exchange of vows, readings, musical performances. Encourage them to be as thoughtful and specific as possible. The more information you have from them, the easier your job will be and the more to their desires the wedding will be.

Research. Watch a few movies about weddings, take note of how the ceremony is performed and maybe of some things you might want to incorporate. Purchase or check out from the library books on planning weddings and writing ceremonies. There are many ceremonies available in books and online that may be perfectly suitable to your friends' wishes. Below are some Web sites that might be helpful.

However, I suggest composing a ceremony from your heart and from scratch. Use a few existing ceremonies that you like as a guide, along with your knowledge of what your friends have in mind, and create a ceremony just for them. These days, a ceremony of fifteen minutes total is plenty. Hopefully, your friends will want to include a song performance, a poetry reading, or their own vows -- any of these will reduce the length of your writing task and will provide you will a much needed break during the ceremony. Be sure to include all of these elements in your ceremony -- treat it as a script. Share the outline and maybe some of the initial drafts with the couple. Be sure that it meets with their expectations. But as it becomes more finalized, hold it back so that it is a new experience for them when they hear it for the final time.

Finish writing the ceremony at least two weeks prior to the day of the wedding. At this point, there's only one thing to do: practice, practice, practice! While it is not necessary to memorize the ceremony verbatim, I suggest trying to do so. When speaking in public, the best thing to be is prepared. Practice for a few friends and use their constructive criticism. Be sure to stand and behave as if you were performing the ceremony. Carry the ceremony with you and recite it as often as you can.

The night before the ceremony, get enough sleep. Resist the temptation to party the night away with the wedding party. If you can, take a few days off work before the wedding to let yourself unwind. You will have the opportunity to rehearse with the wedding party. Most likely, you'll be in charge. Make it clear to your friends that the only people invited to the rehearsal are those that will be in the wedding party or have a role to play during the ceremony. If small children will be in the wedding party, of course their parents are welcome. Everyone else should be elsewhere -- pre-rehearsal dinner cocktails, anyone? Have those who will walk the isle do so as if it was the wedding. Make sure everyone knows their places and timing and be prepared to act as MC the following day.

On the wedding day, practice the ceremony a few more times and generally help with the festivities. Enjoy the event, and remember that as soon as the last person in the party walks back down the isle, you can finally join the party!